| In my work with couples, certain themes have | | | | examples, hang in there; you are not alone and there is |
| emerged thatcan help us understand how a couple | | | | a way out. Couples don't plan on growing apart, they |
| that was once close candrift so far apart. | | | | simply drift apart over time. Just the opposite is true |
| How couples drift apart | | | | about growing closer again. You don't just drift into it, |
| 1) Life got in the way. Somehow, in the midst of the | | | | you intentionally take action designed to grow closer |
| hustle andbustle of everyday life, couples seem to | | | | together. Here are some tips from the couples I've |
| forget about each other. The initial closeness they | | | | worked with that have helped them grow closer again. |
| once felt has been damaged by focus on work, the | | | | How couples can get close again |
| bills, the kids, you name it. | | | | 1) Have a conversation about how you first met and |
| 2) Each takes the other for granted. This can slowly | | | | what first attracted you to each other. |
| eat away at any connection a couple might feel. What | | | | 2) Talk about the times you have felt the most |
| makes it worse is that it is so very easy to do. | | | | connected. Then list the things you did that helped |
| Keeping priorities straight in our stressful lives can be | | | | create that closeness. Then do those things again. |
| very difficult. We get so caught up in simply living that | | | | 3) Mention something your partner did that you |
| we forget about making a life with our partner. | | | | enjoyed. For example, "I loved it today when you gave |
| 3) Each stops treating the other well. Somehow we | | | | me a break from the kids/ held my hand/ hugged me |
| succumb to the notion that all the things we used to do | | | | helped me at the office, etc." |
| that brought us together are no longer necessary. It's | | | | 4) Discover what your partner's "love language" is. Do |
| like the old joke about the couple that had been | | | | they most need to see it, hear it, or feel it in order to |
| married for several years and one day the wife said | | | | feel most loved? |
| to the husband, ``You never say you love me | | | | If you don't know, ask. |
| anymore!'' The husband responds with, ``Well, dear, I | | | | 5) Ask your partner what their "perfect day'' would be |
| told you I loved you on our wedding day. If anything | | | | like and then create as much of it as you can. |
| changes, I'll let you know.'' | | | | 6) Renew and/or rewrite your vows. Who says we |
| 4) Resentments are held. Old grudges, hurts and | | | | can say theseimportant words only once? Renewing |
| resentments are a cancer that can eat away at the | | | | vows, commitments and words of love can rapidly |
| closeness of a couple. | | | | and powerfully bring a couple closer together. |
| 5) Communication stops. This is the most frequent | | | | These are just a few suggestions for the road back |
| reason given by couples as a factor in their drifting | | | | to closenessand connection. I would love to hear from |
| apart. Once a couple stops communicating, it's just a | | | | couples about how they have made the journey back |
| matter of time before the roommate syndrome sets | | | | to closeness after drifting apart. |
| in. | | | | If you would like to share your secrets, just drop me a |
| If you recognize your relationship in the above | | | | line. |