| > | | | | what you need to talk about in order to resolve the |
| An effective meeting depends upon the participants | | | | dispute. |
| treating each other with respect. Here's how to | | | | After you speak, continue to look at the attacker and |
| respond if someone insults another participant. (This is | | | | wait for the person to talk about what caused the |
| the seventh of a seven part article on Managing | | | | attack. If the attack continues, interrupt with: |
| Monsters in Meetings.) | | | | "Excuse me, we need to respect each other. And I |
| Personal attacks hurt people, mar communication, and | | | | wonder what makes you feel upset over this." |
| end creativity. If they become part of a meeting's | | | | "Excuse me, we heard that. Now, what makes you |
| culture, they drive the participants into making safe and | | | | feel that way?" |
| perhaps useless contributions. | | | | "Excuse me, I'm interested in hearing what your |
| Approach 1: Speak to the groupSet the stage for the | | | | concerns are." |
| group to enforce its culture by making a general | | | | Approach 3: Call a breakIf verbal approaches fail to |
| comment. Look at the middle of the group and | | | | end the attacks, then call a break or end the meeting. |
| say:"Just a moment. Let's pause here to calm down. I | | | | This will give you a chance to meet privately with the |
| can tell we're upset about this. And we want to find a | | | | attacker, rewrite the agenda, rebuild communication, |
| fair solution for everyone." (Take slow deep breaths | | | | and (if appropriate) schedule another meeting without |
| and relax to model calming down.)After saying this, | | | | the attacker. |
| pause a moment to let the group respond. Often, | | | | You could say, |
| someone else will support your request. Then continue | | | | "We seem to be at an impasse. I want to take a |
| as if everything were normal. | | | | break so we can all calm down." |
| Avoid looking at the attacker when speaking to the | | | | "This hostility makes it impossible to get any work |
| group. Making eye contact acknowledges and returns | | | | done. So, I'm adjourning the meetings. We'll work on |
| power to the attacker. | | | | this later and then reconvene at another time."Note |
| Approach 2: Explore for the causeSometimes people | | | | that some people use anger to force others to |
| throw insults from behind a fence of presumed safety. | | | | cooperate with them. If you adjourn the meeting, you |
| You can disrupt this illusion by saying: | | | | will have to meet with the attacker to resolve the |
| "Chris, you seem upset with that." | | | | conflict. |
| "Pat, you seem to disagree." | | | | "We need to work on this outside of the meeting. So |
| "You seem to have reservations about this." | | | | let's adjourn." |
| I realize these statements may sound like naive | | | | Use these techniques to restore a safe environment |
| responses to an insult. However, such understated | | | | to your meeting.Meetings are a forum for finding |
| responses improve the situation because they sound | | | | solutions, making decisions, and reaching agreements. |
| less threatening, feel easier to deliver, and preserve the | | | | When you apply these approaches to disruptions, you |
| other person's self-esteem. Realize the attacker may | | | | will maintain the productive environment necessary to |
| have viewed the attack less seriously than it | | | | accomplish your goals.This is the seventh of a seven |
| sounded.These statements also transfer the focus | | | | part article on Managing Monsters in Meetings. |
| from the target to the attacker's feelings. And this is | | | | |