| A. Cultivating Outside Friendships. This includes telling | | | | directions are inevitable, drifting apart is not. Couples |
| family or friends about your problems but not | | | | can grow together by taking an interest in, and |
| addressing them with your partner. Talking to others at | | | | encouraging, each other; making sure they keep up |
| times of conflict is not a productive way to handle | | | | with one another and maintain the attraction. The best |
| problems, and it can result in additional problems | | | | way for that is by doing as many things together, while |
| emerging. For instance, your partner may feel | | | | allowing some space for individual pursuits. |
| betrayed that you have revealed sensitive information | | | | For example, in our family we used to play board |
| to others that has caused him/her to be embarrassed | | | | games and quizzes, go for runs together and eat |
| or uncomfortable around them. Also, if you paint a | | | | meals together in a close knit way. All that gradually |
| negative picture of your partner or your relationship, | | | | stopped as the children grew up and did their own |
| others may get a distorted view, which may change | | | | thing, especially after they left home. As I became |
| their attitudes and behaviour toward you both. Worse | | | | more involved in my business and my writing, and my |
| still, others are likely to remember your conflicts long | | | | husband became more introspective, we drifted apart, |
| after you and your partner have gone past them, | | | | finding little in common as our needs lost their |
| which can only damage friendships. Instead, work on | | | | congruence. This was inevitable, as we had also |
| improving your communication skills. If you need help, | | | | stopped talking to each other in any meaningful sense. |
| seek out the assistance of an objective third party. In | | | | In such a situation, it is not long before other friends |
| short, stop complaining and start asking. If you must | | | | and interests fill the widening gap. When we parted, I |
| talk to your friends for support, try to seek some | | | | could not remember even one major thing we had |
| balance and present the good side of your spouse as | | | | shared for years, not even a bank account. Sad, really, |
| well as the negatives. | | | | for such a long marriage. |
| B. Drifting Apart. At some point in time partners stop | | | | Separation can creep upon a couple unawares, |
| doing the things they used to do together and slowly | | | | especially when they become 'too busy' with work and |
| move apart, through boredom or falling out of love, | | | | other commitments to spend quality time together. If |
| which is a natural consequence of individual evolution. | | | | you cannot remember, right the minute, the last time |
| They begin to seek different friends, develop new | | | | you shared an activity together, one which you both |
| interests and grow in different directions, depending on | | | | enjoyed, then there is danger looming. |
| their feeling of fulfilment. However, though new | | | | |